Burns Night

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
stert workin like a gentle breeze
but soon the puddin wi the sonsie face
will hae ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a'bodys gonnae hae tae pay
Even if it ye try to stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
tae try and stop the leakin air
Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go assunder
oot it comes wee a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
michty me! a sonic boom

Guid God amichty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae filled ma breeks
tae the bog ah'd better scurry
aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry

A'body aroon aboot me chokin
wan or two are clearly bokin
Ah'll feel better for a while
An cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him ! I shout wi accusin glower
alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e're ye go let yer wind gan ' free
sounds like just the job fur me
whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
ower the sake o' won wee ferty

Anon.